I let go of someone because she crossed a boundary.

I used to eschew boundaries. They're for the weak and fearful. Intersections and combinations, those are the alchemy of the creative, examined life. I want to go there, straddled, stretched.  But among the things I learn from relationships, among the lessons I'd rather not, I have seen my own boundaries come gradually into focus.

You don't get to impugn my honor for comfort or persuasion. You don't get to shut down a discussion forever. You don't get a part in my reform until you've demonstrated understanding what matters to me.

Each of these has a face. The vivid first person to cross, to defy, to deny. Or second or third.

Did I need to give words to these rules? I'm sure there are others. I dread discovering more of these whiny little bitches the hard way. I still suspect I have no real use for them. Even temporarily, for training, they may do no good. Maybe the people who would respect pointing them out are the same people who'd never come close to crossing them in the first place.

Besides, a well-articulated boundary is a cold, dead fucking consolation to the ghostly air where I used to pine warmly for a squirming, feeling she, whom I'd rather be holding and comforting right now and erasing all these lines between. It's not hubris to guess she hurts worse. It's not even news, I'm a man after all. Leprotic emotions are what we do.

There's more to say but this much is raw. You don't get to require an uplifting conclusion before I practice my rant.

Light Giving

I recently rediscovered this song Haunting You by Bird York (actress Kathleen York). It's about longing. It moved me in a few ways but here's one. In the second verse the longing intensifies, and seems as if it is about to demand fulfillment.

"You will hear me calling to you..."

Instead it gives something. Something meager and wan, but profound nonetheless.

"...saying, Don't be afraid of the dark."

I could guess many inspirations and interpretations for this turn in the song, but the message I get from it is that love is generous. To take, to crave, to seek and acquire, these are other forces. Love is only the witness of beauty and the hope for its happiness.