The Spectrum Of Desire

A-items		Need	gotta have it
B-items		Want	love it
C-items		Prefer	like it
D-items		Prefer-Not	dislike
E-items		Want-Not	hate
F-items		Need-Not	eff no

In a successful union, both parties get all their A-item needs met in copious abundance, and enjoy a lot of B-items.

Person 1's A-items must be person 2's A or B items: AA or AB are fine and dandy. But: AC (one person's need being merely the other person's like) is actually worse incompatibility than FB (one person's absolutely-not being something the other person loves). That is to say, a need well-met has more power than a loved activity summarily rejected. Because generous meeting of needs makes so much else possible. Yet another way to say it is the spectrum is not linear. A need is orders more important than a love, in turn than a like.

Ideally, large quantities of regular time are devoted to: AA, AB activities, but that's easy. Unplanned, spontaneous but still happen a lot: BB, BC. Less often but not neglected: BD, BE. Meh: CC, CD. Never: DD, DE, CE, EE or anything with an F. And no lasting intimate relationship should even be attempted when there exist any factors rated: AC, AD, AE, AF.

Crossing the center means surprises either direction are very dangerous: If he hates her friends (a BE situation) she should give him plenty of notice when they're coming over and he should be extraordinarily respectful around them. But those kinds of activities (BE) should definitely happen because the spectrum is not symmetrical: A loved activity fulfilled is worth the hated activity sucked-up. But very very carefully.

The division between like and dislike is not as sharp as between need and want. You need your needs; all else is secondary. Similarly, in an ideal union there's the other person and then there are the other six billion people.

Notice there are no don't-care items, forgoing a green center, which is a tragic sacrifice being the author's favorite color and all. But in love there are no don't-care's, there are only liars, lazy thinkers, and people who didn't understand the question. In an ideal union there's no pretense of hiding, neither the simple nor the huge.